Elder Jeremy Ashton Boyd: SLIDELL SCROLLS: CHAPTER TWO

Slidellutations my friends,

I feel trained in many arts after the past seven days. They call me, "Elder Boyd: Car Weasler Extraordinaire, Seeker of Government, and your friendly neighborhood magician." Or at least, that's what they SHOULD call me, considering previous events. Our scroll has been inked with the pen of adventure.. so please enjoy this week's, SLIDELL SCROLLS: CHAPTER TWO.

Allow me to elaborate:

Car Weasler Extraordinaire:

We spent the two hours following P-day in quite the automobile fiasco. To make things brief: a member calls and tells us his car needs to be jumped. Fun fact: missionaries cannot jump other cars (exception to mission vehicles)- so we texted a nearby member and had HIM come and jump his car. Apparently, this new truck constantly changes CD's and therefore.. the power is sucked dry throughout the night. Anyways, we jump his car... everything is fine and dandy.. until he locks his keys in the truck. SO, we spent the next two hours weaseling our way through his window cracks with a piece of bark as a shiv and an unwound coat hanger as the tool of weaseling. Alas, we were without anything but the look of missionary stress, level 3. THAT IS UNTIL, this alternative hipster and his baby husky, "Frito" come along with a sheriff and get into the car in less time than it took to unwind the coat hanger.. so yeah... Car Weasler Extraordinaire on a resume? Don't mind if I do...

Seeker of Government:

Basically, we tracted into the newly elected Mayor of Slidell, and he actually had a great interest in our message. The irony of the situation was that we should've predicted it was the MAYORS house we were knocking on.. because his lawn was decorated with more campaign signs than strands of grass.

Friendly Neighborhood Magician:

Well, the secret is out. Elder Boyd knows a card trick or two... and as of now, Elder Spencer and I are incorporating a combination of such card shenanigans into spiritual thoughts. So, watch out world... Elder Penn and Elder Teller are coming to your dinner appointments.. in style.

AND, as is typical with these scrolls.. we have QUITE the story for Y'all:

STORY TIME:

So, we may or may not have run into the literal incarnation of Simon the Sorcerer from Acts chapter 8, in the Bible. But, for confidentiality sake, we'll call her Susan. Susan the sorceress.

A LITTLE BACKSTORY:

Louisiana is a land of creatures. I'm pretty sure this bayou is the breeding ground for, "Satan's Next Top Carnivore" because some of the insects and creepy-crawlies down here are on a whole new level. Bed-bugs for instance: haven't had them.. but the stories alone are enough to inspire fear in the hearts of the entire human race. Anyways, the Sisters in the Slidell Area caught themselves their very own infestation of such buggers, and so NOW all of their people, have become our people. Henceforth, this past week has been a lot of catch-up and visitations with a few of the elect the previous sisters were working with... Susan happened to be one of these lucky few.

Now, at first sight, Susan is elect. Seriously, we walk through her door with the entire intent of just getting to know her and her background... BUT MY LANTA THIS WOMAN WAS ON PAGE 325 OF THE BOOK OF MORMON AND LEAD US ON A LITTLE READ-A-LONG OF THE WAR CHAPTERS. Definitely wasn't expecting that.. and you would think, "my, oh my, after reading three-fifths of a divine book.. you'd HAVE to know it was true and get baptized at the sight of the font" yes? Well, this wasn't exactly the case, you see.. because Susan, as we have previously mentioned, is a sorceress.

She LOVES the Plan of Salvation- especially the part about opening portals to other dimensions, like the Spirit World, and becoming anew with our, "debonair spiritual auras." Not only this, but Susan, she can see other realms.. and sometimes, she watches her flat screen, and suddenly a crystal ball archetype takes its place and she is left watching a play by play of her neighbors house.. everything in exact time as she lurks into her TV and predicts their every movement. Oh, and she doesn't believe in martyrdom. It's actually facade wrapped up in the government's way of brainwashing the elect into conforming to Christianity.. oh, and she was willing to buy the gift of the Holy Ghost from us... She does, however, LOVE the Book of Mormon- hates the Bible- and fully believes with all of her heart that if she was baptized, her powers would go away, and she would no longer possess the gift of divinity as it is replaced with the gift of the Holy Ghost.

Okay, I'll stop. Welcome to Louisiana, where the crazy just keeps getting crazier. :)

In other, AWESOME news, a less active we have been working with since I got here, came to church this past Sunday, which was.. as I have said... AWESOME! And on the way home from mission leadership council, I was asked to give a blessing to a member I had never before met, but when I laid my hands upon her head.. I felt like I knew exactly what she was going through and what blessings she needed at that time. I know the Priesthood is real and I know that this church is true. It was at that moment that I knew.. it didn't matter that I knew her.. but God knew her. He knew her perfectly, he knew what she had been through, and through me.. was able to give her that witness. The same goes for all of us- God knows us better than we know ourselves.. and not only is he IN the details of our lives.. he has created the details of our lives.

Well, Y'all in closing, I think it is suitable to mention.. our mission merges in five days! As of next week, the LBRM (Louisiana Baton Rouge Mission) mission family.. becomes 2x larger.. so please, send out a special prayer for those Mississippi missionaries, that they may feel our love for them.. and that the merger will go smoothly and we will become one big, happy, and unified family!

Oh, and I love Elder Spencer. He is awesome and every day we find new ways to get along with one another... He is a heaven-sent companion.

Thanks, Y'all! Have a stellar week! Go out and FIND the mayors of the world, share a message with them, unlock their cars with coat hangers, and spread little shenanigans every once in a while! (Of course.. please do not take this literally..) YOU'RE ALL DIVINE. ELDER BOYD LOVES YOU!!

Lots of Louisiana lovin',

Elder Boyd

Pictures This Week: