If you're having one of those dark, dark days...
It's okay. I want you to know that you're not alone. We all have dark days. But it isn't so much our knowledge of darkness that helps us through our bad days... but our knowledge of light. Our knowledge of Christ. As missionaries, we are offering light. We aren't just sharing another, "message about Jesus Christ" we are sharing a message of radiance for your dark days. You don't have to dwell in darkness! There is hope and light within you... a LOT of it-- but even more than that, there is so much more in Christ. We are chasers of darkness, bearers of truth, and standards unto the nation. Remember this next time you're having one of those dark days: you know light. Use that knowledge to make your day bright! I know, very motivational Elder Boyd, but we had a monumental week over here in the altitude of Mississippi-- so without further introduction and with a whole lot of LIGHT, I present VICKSBURG VOLUMES: CHAPTER NINE.
Now, what was one of our dark days you might ask?
March 7th.
Remember the day and remember the name. Probably one of the hardest... but also one of the most experiential days of growth on my mission. I testify that joy and pain can coexist in the Gospel of Jesus Christ and that bad days DO come to an end. Faith will triumph and in the midst of difficulties lies our greatest opportunities for growth. Now, let me tell you about a very special day in my mission; one that I will never forget and one my future family will forever thank God for-- March 7th.
As most days of opposition do, the morning was great. In fact, the morning was ALSO unlike none I had ever experienced in my full-time missionary service. As some of you followers may know, we have been preparing for a baptism here in Vicksburg for a long time! This ward, in fact, hasn't witnessed this great ordinance through the fellowship of their congregation in over a year; so you can imagine their excitement when someone prepared was willing to enter into a covenant with God. That morning, members had been texting us left and right asking what they could do to be of help in the service. It was incredible! Our ward mission representative reached out to US about organizing the special service. Asking us to retrieve talks from the members, to find witnesses before Sunday, and to organize everything according to the needs of him who was being baptized. I was SO thrilled-- the spirit overcame me with such joy and gratitude for this blessed ward we have been privileged to serve. In fact, in the midst of companionship study, I started, "prophesying" to Elder Sellers about the joys of effective missionary work; bearing my testimony about the words of President Hinckley regarding this great apostolic service... "Everyone who is familiar with this work knows there is a better way. That way is through the members of the church." I testify that the excitement is real for missionaries who help the members; not the other way around. Anyways, YES, the joy was exceeding and we were both very excited for the following weekend-- that is until the phone rang again that morning. And this time, it was the man being baptized.
You know, as missionaries we understand that the FIRST prompting is from God and the SECOND prompting is always from Satan. This inspires the urgency to be, "first-responders" to the promptings of the Spirit. T'was the case in the difference between the FIRST call and the SECOND one. The first words set the pace for the rest of the day-- "I can't do this." For those of you who don't remember, the man we've been helping prepare to be baptized has been overcoming some lifelong addictions in preparation to choose Christ. Something VERY HARD to do-- very hard. And we've been asking him to do hard things in return for great and eternal blessings. Well, in our excitement we weren't expecting what he had to say. The difference between expectation and reality. We were expecting him to say he had been keeping the Word of Wisdom, but he was calling to tell us he couldn't do it anymore. We were expecting him to say he could do all things with Christ, who strengtheneth him, but he was calling to say that it was all too much for him and Christ. Despite our attempts at comfort, consolation, and motivation-- he couldn't handle it. We decided to be bold with him and said that if he didn't believe that he could do it, he wouldn't be able to do it. It didn't matter if we believed or the ward believed or EVEN if God believed... if he didn't believe in himself, he wouldn't be able to do it. It was in that moment that the candle of his conversion seemed to flicker... and then he hung up.
The darkness settled in. The room of our relationship was held a'bright by the little light of hope we had that he would be able to yolk himself with the power of God to overcome his struggles. And with that little light gone... everything seemed so dark. The thoughts of our failed attempts seemed to echo through the hallway of our regrets. If there was ever a moment to drop to one's knees-- it was then. With humble hearts, we knelt before the Father and pleaded for divine guidance; acknowledging that now we knew as Moses did... that, "man is nothing." We cried out for his omnipotent help-- that maybe, just maybe, the fire of the Gospel could grace the wick of faith; that his desire and strength may be rekindled through the mercy of the Light of the World himself. Just then, the phone rang again...
"Oh Elder, this is going to be one of those stories where the missionaries plead for help and God provided at the moment that hope seemed all but lost! God answers prayers Elder!" Our joy was full to see that he was calling back. This time, we had a new script: maybe we could just read the Book of Mormon with him? Take him back to that moment where he knew the Gospel was true! A GREAT idea! So, with an invigorated purpose and gladness in our voices... we answered the phone.
"Hello, we just wanted to apologize if we stressed you out-- it wasn't our intent. We really love you and want to help you and we know that it is only through the Gospel of Jesus Christ that you can receive the love and help you deserve. Can we just come by this afternoon and read the Book of Mormon with you?"
The response reverberated like the intensity of a squadron of stampeding gazelle,
"I don't want anything to do with your church anymore. Goodbye."
And he hung up again.
I must've held that phone for another five minutes after the call ceased. If the dark could get darker, it did. If the cold could get colder, it was. Where did we go wrong? What could we have done differently? The criticism raced like the gazelle the response was delivered in. The hope of God's light seemed to dim just as it had before; as if by some divine opposition someone yanked the switch down to the lowest option. We prayed some more. Sat in silence. And just wondered, as we all do when times get tough, "why?"
Thankfully, there were studies. I read about the spiritual gift of faith and the dynamic trio of faith, hope, charity, and love. With Christ, we can do anything-- we just need faith in his purposes and his timing. It was the "spiritual pep-talk" I needed. So, we went out with compartmentalized fear and the gift of faith to tackle the rest of our day. To make things short, we had planned to visit the rest of our progressing people. Granted, they were a great distance away, but maybe this was the opposition of joy God had in store in return for our sorrow?? So, we biked the distance... to be canceled on... three times. Scheduled appointments: canceled. Fifteen miles: biked. Thighs: exhausted. Could this day get any better? We thought, "tracting, there is always hope in tracting." Well, nobody answered that evening. We biked home, ate our dinner, and my knees hit the floor just as they did in humble supplication that morning. I was in one of those positions you hear about in the "Mormon Messages"-- where was the miracle? God seemed more quiet than usual, or maybe I just wasn't listening as intently. I wouldn't call it a "faith-crisis" because I knew I had something to learn; just, what exactly? 03/07/2019. It wasn't until much pondering and the next morning later that the revelation flowed like mercy river. If I had ever required a personal experience to answer, "why bad things happen to good people" this was the one. There is a great education to be found in opposition-- failure is the tutor to success. Now, let me tell you what I learned to make March 7th one of the best days of my mission.
Vicksburg has been a prison-temple of sorts for me. Like the prophet Joseph Smith in liberty jail, some of the greatest opposition and revelation have come through the hills of the mighty Vicksburg. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger-- and what doesn't exhaust your thighs will improve your spirituality. Seriously, some of the best work of my mission has been here in Mississippi. No, we haven't seen the most results, but to define success as conversion-- we have seen MUCH of it here! So, WHY March 7th?
I can now testify with authenticity my beloved friends, that bad thing must happen to good people, that the refiner's fire must be hot, and that we must suffer if we are to achieve our potential as sons and daughters of God. These thoughts and more swirled in my head as I sat in silence the following morning. How can we in mortality expect to become like Christ, if we don't go through hard times? How can I expect to fully represent the Savior if I don't suffer in my Gethsemane? Why should I be trying to be like Jesus, if I'm not willing to have a bad day? That's the key, my friends! Life is NOT easy nor fair! I wasn't for Him and it certainly won't be for us...but because he suffered alone, we don't have to. You see, Christ didn't have a Savior. He didn't have someone there with him to take away his pains and his sorrow, and to overcome them so he didn't have to. He didn't have a best friend who knew his pain and could comfort him in his grief. I don't have to bleed from every pore. I don't have to die on Calvary's cross. I can, however, experience rejection and opposition. I can be canceled on and despised of men. I can have bad days and I CAN struggle. If it wasn't easy for Him, why should it be easy for us? March 7th is a compliment, truly. God, in his loving mercy, was willing to allow me to suffer so that I would be permitted to grow. He, in his infinite love, allowed me to have a bad day so that I could appreciate the good ones. Sure, some things in life aren't fair for normal people... but we are not normal people. We are disciples of Jesus Christ-- and if we are expected to represent Him, it should also be expected of us to suffer some small thing of what he suffered for us.
A lot of missionaries put up a facade that they don't have struggles. But I will be the first one to tell you, I am imperfect and I struggle. To say we don't is to deny ourselves a complete representation of the Savior; cause he had his struggles too. We all do. President Eyring put it this way, "if you treat everyone as if they're going through a crisis of some sort, you'll most likely be right."
We as missionaries, potentially more than anyone, experience the extremity of the tactics of Satan; we are the ones who offer, on behalf of the Savior, the antidote for the adversary and the cure for contention. Satan hates us. He hates this work. So he puts everything he has onto us-- every day is a portion of Gethsemane for a missionary to walk the paths of the Savior.
Every morning I pray for the blessing and responsibility and opportunity of magnifying my calling as a disciple of Christ. I guess I never considered that the very true magnification of the calling that I loved so dearly, was to have those dark days. Was to BE hung up on. Was to be rejected and left alone. Sometimes we underestimate what it takes to be like Christ-- to be perfect doesn't mean to only have good days.
I didn't want my mission to be easy. I am just humbled to be suffering something of what he suffered. We cannot become like Christ without difficulty. My life hadn't been easy, so why should full-time service and suffering for the Lord be easy? If anything it should be harder. If it was harder for him it should be harder for me.
I would never have thought this way without March 7th. The true sign of a true disciple of Jesus Christ isn't in the victories-- but in how we deal with our defeats. He who comes off conqueror will find that he has to battle every single day. God knew this day would happen. And he knew the revelation that would follow. God has a perfect perspective, remember, so we can always trust that if he puts us to it, he'll bring us through it. So, to you all I ask, what is your March 7th? What are your prison-temples? What are your greatest moments of pain... and subsequent joy? I promise that whatever they may be, they are for your experience and for your good. All of your Book of Mormon heroes, our bible favorites, and your modern day role models... have their bad days too. We all do. But its what we do with our bad days that makes us great.
To quote President Varner, "nothing will be too hard for you to handle because you have biked the hills in Mississippi." And I testify to you lovely people that NOTHING will be too hard for you because you know darkness... but more than darkness... you know light. So use that light to cast away the darkness, to radiate with confidence, and to make March 7th the best day for your life.
...and the GREAT news about all of this, is that we DID find success this week! We became more converted to the fullness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, we became more like Him, and we found some new people to teach along the way. As we were proselyting in various apartment complexes around Vicksburg we were lead to people who really needed the Savior in their lives. One even said, "y'all let me tell you how good God is" as she proceeded to testify of the miraculous timing between us knocking on her door and her getting terminated from her job. The Lord is only willing to use us if we are willing to be tried; both of which we experienced first-hand this week!
Y'all I testify that bad days are good. I am so grateful that God was loving enough to let me struggle this week, so I could develop this perspective and learn and grow as I have. I know I don't say it enough in these emails, but I know that the Gospel has been restored. I know this is the only true and living church on the face of the Earth. This church is TRUE- and that knowledge means so much to me-- in fact, it means EVERYTHING to me.
The common theme of this week... the church is true-- and because of that, we will suffer. We must suffer for the name of Christ if we expect ourselves to be true Christians! SO, for all of you out there, whether you're in darkness or not... look for the light. I promise it is there. It illuminates with the pure love of Christ, who is always there. Pray for those March 7th's-- they'll change you into what God needs you to be! So yes, if you're having one of those dark, dark days... it's okay. It's okay. HAVE A GREAT WEEK Y'ALL. ELDER BOYD LOVES YOU!!
From a chaser of darkness himself,
Elder Boyd
Due to technical issues, pictures will be uploaded later.
